Unbearable, but not unbelievable.

The summer before my Sophomore Year of high school (1998), a black man named James Byrd Jr. was murdered by three white supremacists in Jasper, a town 90 miles from my house. Mr. Bryd’s lynching-by-dragging made national news. The men who murdered James were the first to be sentenced to death for killing a black person in Texas history.  

When I saw James Byrd’s story on tv, I didn’t want to watch, nobody did. It’s hard to look at evil. But as the reporter spoke, I stood there and took it in, remembering something my dad told me a few years earlier.  

We were in a movie theatre in Beaumont watching “A Time To Kill”. It’s a crime drama set in Mississippi starring Samuel L. Jackson and Matthew McConaughey. The story is about a ten-year-old African American girl named Tonya who is abducted, raped, and beaten. The men try to hang her but the rope breaks, so they dump her in a river where miraculously she survives. The men are arrested but will likely go free, so Tonya’s father goes to the courtroom and opens fire killing both of them.  Hence, A Time To Kill.

Later in the movie, when Samuel L. Jackson is on trial, his lawyer Matthew McConaughey walks the jury through what happened to Tonya, and it’s impossible to watch, so I turned my head from the screen. I remember my dad leaning down and saying, “Son, don’t look away.” 

My dad knew where we lived, and he knew how important this was.  

I grew up in Hull, Texas. There were 53 people in my graduating class, 13 of whom were African American. We played sports against all-white schools. Those environments were hostile and hateful because guys on our team didn’t look like guys on their team. The racial slurs we’d hear at the bottom of a football pile hit different because we were invested. In our little town, my black friends and white friends didn’t just go to school together, we grew up together, had sleepovers and pool parties and campfires.  That was normal. But in those moments, under a pile of shoulder pads and helmets, you’d hear the brutal fact: Our worlds are different. My black friends lived in a different world. And as much as I wish it wasn’t so, it was, and I need not look away.  

The list of recent (and historical) evils done to African American’s is staggering. The video of a white officer with his knee on a helpless black man’s neck for 9 minutes is equally soul-wrenching and symbolic.  You want to reach through the screen and push him off. You want to scream: That’s the image of God you’re holding down. That’s a child of God you’re suffocating.  It’s unbearable, but not unbelievable. Our feeds provide us with wave upon wave of senseless evil, just when one story crashes to the shore another builds in its place. The waves have to stop. But who has the power to change the ocean?  

For the last 13 years, I’ve lived in Pullman, a safe, comfortable, educated, primarily white town in Eastern Washington. I pastor a church filled with wonderful, sacrificial, good-willed people, but most days our context keeps us out of harm’s way, or so it seems. But the wave of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Christian Cooper, and George Floyd hit different. They didn’t just reach the shore, they brought a riptide that is pulling us all into the ocean. No matter how far we are from the story, we’re in it now, as we should have been all along.  

I’m not sure we know the best way to move forward, but here are a few ideas: Search your heart, humble yourself, and use your voice.  

Our hearts are the epicenter of evil, filled with the sins of superiority, prejudice, and bias that we must root out. God’s workmanship is being defamed and destroyed and before it happens in the streets it happens in our hearts. Repent. Pray, “search me Oh God and know my heart” and repent again. 

We need to humble ourselves and get educated.  Read and study and see what it’s like in the world for minorities.  We have so much to learn and shouldn’t let our pride get in the way. Humble yourself, seek out teachers, enter in, and listen.  Diversify your authors and preachers and podcasts.  The more we learn the more we can help. 

And use your voice.  Some of us should become lawyers and start non-profits and volunteer and call our Senators. And we should all vote and fill out the census. And use your influence now. Stop racists jokes now, start conversations now, build bridges and show empathy now, and don’t just hope for peace, make it.  

Jesus said blessed are the peacemakers. But we can’t make peace if we don’t accept the fact we are in a great conflict.  Discipleship to Jesus means learning to love what he loves and hate what he hates and want what he wants.  Surely we have a long way to go, but surely He will carry us along.  He is after all the great peacemaker.

By God’s grace we will see change in our day, but only if we engage. So I say to you what my father said to me:

Don’t look away.  Your neighbor can’t breathe. 

Don’t look away.  You are your brother’s keeper.  

When another story adds another wave, don’t look away.  

When injustice in another place finds its way to your screen, don’t look away.  

If we look away with our eyes, we will look away with our hearts.  And if we look away with our hearts, evil will take more ground.  

Our time is short, let us grieve and mobilize, all the while knowing: There is One who has the power to change the ocean, and He will have His day.  Come quickly, Lord. 

DON'T REJECT SADNESS, SHE KNOWS THE WAY

A global pandemic. A stay at home order. 

Life as we knew it, completely on pause.    

No large gatherings. No small gatherings.

Nothing in person, everything on a screen. 

We dodge each other in public, hurrying about, as if the world were holding its breath, waiting and wanting for it all to end. But it isn’t going to end, at least not tomorrow.

What you’re feeling is sadness.  Don’t reject her, she knowns the way home. 

It might look like anger, frustration, short-patience or feeling aimless or angsty, but in the end, it’s all sadness.  (at least that’s what my wife tells me, and she’s reliable)

We were just asked to stay home for a month.  A month.  That’s how they punish prisoners.  Now I know it’s not “solitary confinement” but the principle remains.  We’re stuck at home. We should willingly lockdown for the sake of the vulnerable. Catastrophic loss of life is happening and our country is weeks away from slowing.   Death is on the line and we can do our part. By keeping our distance…. from one another.

And it’s all sad.  So very sad.

Listen, I’m not emotional, I have a pretty low value for “self-care” and “boundaries” and I’ve never been accused of “oversharing my feelings”.  I test in the 90’s as a thinker on Myers Briggs .  So, I’m no great guide, but here are a few thoughts about feelings that might help.

ANXIETY DOESN’T HAVE TO MAKE US ANXIOUS. 

A lady in our village (who is a counselor) said something profound last week.  We were talking about what’s happening emotionally in our worlds and she said, “Anxiety exists in our brain as a God-given mechanism to keep us safe, to push us to seek help or run from danger.  If our ancestors didn’t have anxiety we wouldn’t be alive. What’s fascinating is now we have something to be anxious about, and a lot of people are realizing what used to trouble them doesn’t really matter, it’s not a real threat. The question is can we deal with real anxiety without becoming anxious?”

This is a bit complex but stay with me. When Jesus says “Don’t be anxious about your life”, I don’t think he’s talking about sadness or fear that comes in our brain in a moment of primal protection.  I think he’s talking about a presence or a state of being we allow to settle in and become normal.  We can feel anxiety without letting it have a seat at the table. Our anxiety, when it wells up in us, can be seen for what it is and felt in all its power, then redirected to the one that can overpower it. We can’t let anxiety lie to us, we have to replace it with truth, we have to take our thoughts captive and let the Lord handle the worries we’re worried about.  

SADNESS HAS A BEST FRIEND AND HER NAME IS JOY

If you’ve seen the Pixar movie “Inside Out”, Joy doesn’t let Sadness touch memories because Joy thinks Sadness is hurting Riley.  But in the end, in a great turn of events, it's Sadness that brings Riley home, and it’s feeling Sadness that allows Joy to have meaning.  Pretending everything is fine, not letting the emotions mix, this was villain that must be slayed. In the end, sadness was the hero of the story.  

In the season finale of This Is Us, Jack and Rebecca are struggling with the tension of celebrating their kids birthday while grieving the loss of their son.  They go back to the doctor who delivered their babies and asked him how he got through, knowing he and his wife lost a child as well.  

The doctor tells them a story about a song he sang to his wife’s belly when she was pregnant.  Then after they lost the baby, they would sit and listen to that song over and over, drinking in the sadness.  Then one day they got pregnant again, and he found himself singing that same song to his wife’s belly.  Eventually he and his wife had a daughter, and they danced to that song on her wedding day.  The doctors advice to a grieving couple was to stop trying to keep the emotions apart, that’s not how life works.  The sadness enriched the joy and the joy dances with the sadness.  It’s by design.  And it’s more beautiful that way.

Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but it didn’t stop him from weeping with the family.  He didn’t skip sorrow.  And it lead to a great joy.  

CRY TOGETHER, EVEN VIRTUAL EMPATHY HEALS. 

That same night in village, my friend Kellie shared some stuff she was struggling with. Midway through she started to cry.  Even in the virtual world we leaned in.  We felt it too.  Being on the screen wasn’t perfect, but it was available, and we took advantage, and it helped.  God help us it helped.  

Again, it’s not perfect, but it’s what we have.  Don’t struggle alone, don’t allow the enemy to put you in solitary confinement. Use what is available in this season.  

I am not pretending joy isn’t here, just as present, just as powerful, it is here, but it’s on the other side of sadness. Don’t be afraid to journey through. Though the sorrow may last through the night, His joy comes in the morning.

Ask someone, “What you are grieving most?”

Then go Marie Kondo and ask, “What’s sparked joy in their life recently?”

SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT ONLINE CHURCH

Everyone is live.  Me, you, your grandma.  Overnight, social media changed.  Now, we don’t get online just to see what our friends are doing or watch wood-working videos. (I’m a wanna-be woodworker, don’t hate.) We go because it’s our new church building.  It’s where we live.  For better or worse, everything is virtual.  

Here are some thoughts, random and rambling, but hopefully helpful.  

SOME OF US WEREN’T ONLINE FOR A REASON (AND IT WASN’T THEOLOGICAL)

Let’s be honest: There are some poor productions being uploaded.  Blurry focus, bizarre shot angles, audio you can’t hear, lighting that looks like a hostage situation, etc.  And some of the content is bad, not heretical, but just plain bad.

Here’s how the game changed: Churches used to broadcast only IF THEY WERE GOOD ENOUGH, now we broadcast BECAUSE WE HAVE TO, our community of faith depends on it.  (Mark Dever and my college roommate John Sypert are the only ones I know doing a complete holdout.)

But here’s what’s changed in me: I’m no longer looking for awesome, I’m asking “Who do I know”, “Who do I trust”, “Who do I want to be in this with?”  I’m choosing to watch my pastor friends from college over Matt Chandler.  Trust me that never happened before.  I find myself celebrating and commenting and cheering people on in the midst of bad production.  

REAL AND RELATABLE ARE THE NEW EXCELLENT. 

The rules are out the window.  The standard is lower.  Story is winning.  Not production.  If we’re going to be virtual, then now more than ever we have to be human, mistakes and all. Have you watched John Krasinski and his SGN video or Dewayne Wade interviewing his friends on Instagram.  It’s the “feel” that makes it work.  What you’re aiming for now is relatable, not gloss, the target is being human not being perfect. 

We used to live in a world where people curated vulnerability to look “not perfect”, now it’s the industry standard. It’s not all great, sure, but when we see authenticity and vulnerability, we're drawn in, and it’s beautiful.

MOST CHURCHES ARE MIMICKING WHAT THEY DO ON SUNDAY WITH A FEW COMMENTS ABOUT HOW “I’M IN MY LIVING ROOM.” 

Old habits die hard.  I get it. The camera is at the church already, the music stuff is there, your podium is there, etc.  But trying to “keep the energy up” and basically replicate your gathered experience in a home experience is a social disconnect.  On one hand, it’s fine, keep it the same, who cares. On the other hand, it’s bad missionary work, we aren’t adapting to our context, we’re clinging to our current method without a thought about the new possibilities in front of us.  

Antidotally: MOST OF THE CREATIVITY IS STILL GOING TOWARDS THE STAGE NOT THE “SEATS”.  Maybe it’s happening and I don’t see it, but generally, the time and energy are towards getting the broadcast out, not equipping our people to minister in this unprecedented time.  

WE’RE TOO INVESTED NOT TO GO BACK.  THE LOST WORLD NEEDS US NOT TO GO BACK. 

Our church buildings and programs cost money.  We pay staff positions to operate these structures.  We are crazy invested in our way of doing church.  The moment the gathering ban is lifted we are going back with Easter meets Christmas level energy.  And I’m sure we will celebrate how many people we gathered on “Opening Day”.  I get it, we have to go back.  Many of us are counting down the days.  But I wonder if the world needs us not to go back. 

Here’s what I mean: The church thrived in the home for generations.  There was a dailiness that the new testament church lived in that we know little about.  If you can’t give up the programs and the buildings (not saying we should), can we at least learn something about the dailiness of Christianity and personal responsibility to own the mission?  When you can’t gather, you’re forced to meet with Jesus on your own.  You don’t have the programs to rely on to “carry you to next Sunday”.  Can we lead people to believe “every day I must meet with God, really, and every day I must meet with my church family, really.” Are we equipping our people to do and think this? What can we do now to help our people?

If we go back to business as usual, we will have missed a massive opportunity, and if we go back to business-as-usual we will have lost more than we gained.  

THIS IS NOT OUR MOMENT TO BECOME YOUTUBE STARS OR SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCERS, THIS IS OUR MOMENT TO EXPAND OUR RELATIONAL WEB FOR THE GOSPEL. 

Creating a bigger audience isn’t the endgame.  Celebrating how many people viewed your service is the wrong target.  (people only have to view for 3 seconds for it to be counted)  We need to figure out a new metric for engagement.  We need better destinations.  This virtual data tracking could be a smokescreen that is taking our eyes off the true victory: Leading our people to fulfill the great commission, and joining the Spirit in creating a disciple-making movement.  

I’m worried about our obsession with big.  I’m worried about our obsession with excitement.  I’m worried we’re going to see a number of views and think the wrong thoughts, cheer the wrong things, and we are going to be drawn to build a house on sinking sand.  

START PREPARING FOR WHEN WE CAN GATHER IN 10-50 PEOPLE.  

This will be our missional sweet spot.  You will have the chance to still stream services but you can operate as functional “house churches” if you equip your people to host well, lead well and minister appropriately. This will be our finest hour, not because of good music and preaching, but because we have people leading in a new and life-changing way.

When we can gather in smaller groups and people start hosting “house church” not “watch parties”, we will see leadership and ministry happening in a way we should celebrate to no end.  And when this happens, when people can invite others to house church, we will see who actually has relational influence and who simply had a programmatic draw.  

MY FINAL 3 WORDS: ADAPT, ADAPT, ADAPT.

Don’t be found as a church who didn’t innovate and change in light of the circumstances.  Don’t think “just hunker down and make it through.”  This is an opportunity, take it.  

I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but the church will be asked to step up and help in the coming weeks. I pray we are ready, I believe we are, but it’s up to us to respond, to equip our people, and to lead, not just stream our services online.